How To Express The Pain We Hide In Our Soul
Jorge Bucay: “We carry the pain we could not express in our childhood”.
If you prove to me that you care… If you appreciate me… Can you take me into consideration? What do I mean when I react?
When we focus too much on ourselves, we can not understand what is going on in the other people, and we become self-centred.
For the outsider, our attitude seems at least excessive – if not completely absurd. And it is probably because these so primitive reactions actually come from the early years of our lives, from the behaviours we learned to protect ourselves from childhood injuries…This recollection of the primary trauma can be called “The wounded child”. This child we hide inside is what makes us react like that.
We carry the pain we could not express in our childhood, and we externalize them through our reactions without understanding it.
This means that we decide for our thesis before we think it well. These reactions create the most problems in interpersonal relationships.
Unfortunately, when we experience a relationship, the pains and the anger that have not found a way out in the past, are being rebuild in our present.
Generally, these old pains do not appear until we find ourselves in an erotic relationship. The relationship and marriage hide these old wounds and we assume it is our companion that causes them.
Usually, this does not happen from the beginning, but slowly, as long as we feel really tied to the other. This wounded child we carry inside is like a black hole sucking everything like a toothache.
When it is presented in our lives we can not think of anything else, the pain prevails in our lives.
In many cases of separation, the problem is not in the relationship between the two, but in unresolved issues of the past one (or both) might have.
My reaction causes yours, so one of them negatively affects the other. When we carry the troubled child inside us, we feel that we are not living in the present.
We always react to things that happened to us many years ago. This makes the relationship with the other short. As long as I do not deal with the wounded child, it will continue to react and exacerbate my personal relationships, as the only one who can hear it is me.
THE WOUNDED CHILD ASKS FOR CONFIRMATION OF HIS PAIN. ONLY WHEN IT IS CONFIRMED, CAN ONE EXPRESS AND OVERCOME IT…
To reach the point of realising why I suffer, it is absolutely necessary to stop blaming the other and to observe through my reactions what is happening to me.
In the worst cases, when a couple feels this void cannot be filled only with the two, they decide to make a child… Unfortunately, both two adults, are only two frightened children seeking for confirmation in their jointly child.
We need to learn to take advantage of every difficulty we encounter on our life, in order to deepen to our souls and make more effective contact, not only with our companion, but also with our own personal condition.
We can always ask for help, especially when we understand that we cannot solve our problems by ourselves.
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